Best of intentions
In each of my classes last week I asked the same question at the start: ‘So, who’s got a New Year’s Resolution?’. I was really surprised that not one single person raised their hand in any of those classes. Really surprised! Did that mean nobody had any intentions for the year?
I think my shock was evident once or twice as there were a few giggles! This has popped into my head quite a few times since last week as I was, quite honestly, not expecting that universal response.
At any given moment I have at least a dozen things ‘I’m working on’ in my life – getting fitter, being more present, getting through the to do list, being happier, saving money, and so on. Nothing revolutionary but always with an aspiration to be ‘better’. And nothing to do with January 1st either – this is a year-long quest.
Conversely, I looked at my eldest and how she lives her life with a simplicity and directness that I am envious of if truth be told. She goes about her business with the earnest nature of a six year old. She immerses herself so completely in whatever she is into – sometimes for five hours, sometimes for five minutes (or less) without this trait of mine to be constantly striving.
I hasten to add, this trait is not something yoga would endorse. Yoga is all about accepting where you are right now. I don’t know where my busy, striving mind has originated as I don’t recall my parents being this way inclined particularly.
I have always been guilty of thinking: ‘I’ll be happier when I’ve…’ and you could fill in the missing word with any one of hundreds of different goals. There has been a lot of repetition over the years; I keep ideas books where I rip out bits of magazine with a nice quote or song lyric, a beautiful interior or scenery that inspires me. Punctuating those scrap book pages are over 20 years’ worth of my best intentions. Everything from buying a house to working for myself and then stopping biting my nails to accepting that DIY hair colour looks terrible on me and letting someone else do it!
So this year, I have made a list. Again. I have edited it many times so that it is concise and organised into themes on a single sheet (I just can’t help it). I am working my way through those goals. And then I am going to stop and appreciate the work that I have done. This is something that I have never ever done before, and it is not going to be easy for me. I don’t ever self-congratulate and I am always searching for the next thing to improve on or start/stop doing but I have made a promise to myself that this time I am going to try doing things differently. I am going to channel my inner six-year old and accept things as they are.
I’ll keep you posted!